Nomad's Land

I really don't know what to blog about any longer.  I'm  now a mother, yes.  I'm still infertile, yes.  I've healed some, yes.  I don't know what is left to blog about and where to go with this any longer?  I use to love blogging getting all the emotional goop out about infertility this blog was my savor sometimes.  Yes, I'm still infertile.  A child will never grow in my womb, I doubt we will ever adopt another either.  But, now I'm kind of lost as where to go with this blog any longer. 

I could roll around in the misery of never being able to conceive or carry a child to term.  I could dwell on the past of all the heartache of losing six babies and failing miserably at IVF, but I'm past that.  I'm good, I really think I'm in a good place.  But, as sure as I type that statement I'll get a little surprise pang of hurt that creeps in from no where and leaves me wonding "what the fuck", I thought I was past this. 

I'm going today to visit a friend and her new baby.  Her son was born exactly one year and 2 days after my son.  So, works out really good as I've handed down lots of stuff down to her.  I'm so excited to meet the little baby and HOLD the little baby.  I can't wait.  I laughed hysterically as she called upset the other night.  "When does the baby start sleeping all night?  "When does this get better".  I tried to warn her the week before she delivered to "rest up" but she said she was ready.  She was upset as she's already lost 24 hours of sleep and doesn't know how she's ever going to make it up...  Lmao, you're not honey!  Lord forbid if they get sick, you'll lose a whole lot more.

You think friend would know this stuff as she's an ob/Gyn nurse.  She's young though and very naive. 

Anyway, I don't know what to post about and longer.  Things are good, Bryce is good, work is slow and our economy in the good ole US is all to fucking hell but I'm making it.

I'm off early today at work and I can't wait to pick my son up and meet new baby, Bryce has started showing a little jealousy of me showing other children attention here lately so this should be interesting.

I'll leave you with a couple of pictures.

 

Happy 1st My Dear Son

Mommy is incredibly PMS today and one day you'll understand why I'm so emotional right now.  One day when you are much much older...  I'm sure daddy will fill you in on woman's ways.

Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet, precious angel.  I'm crying as I type, I just looked back at your pictures from birth to present and it has reduced me to a blubbery mess.  Not to mention that I have to take you to the doctor today as some asshole kid bit you on the face at daycare and it's a really bad bite.

My precious precious angel you will be one year old tomorrow. A year ago my life changed completely.  You were sent straight from heaven to me and  you are nothing short of an angel.  Even though at 1 you often act like a little devil.  But, I love you're little devilish ways.  You are so very smart Bryce.  So very very smart.  I don't know if it's genetics or if I can take credit for working with you but you make mommy so very proud.  You try so very hard to please and you are so very very determined to show me or daddy how smart you are.

When you first came home I thought I would kill over from lack of sleep and I couldn't see much into the future as I was just trying to get through the present.  I never in my whole entire life expected to love a being as much as I love you.  Mommy has waited for you for years and you were definitely worth the wait.  Please know that I will always love you no matter what.

I look at you now today and you no longer resemble a baby, it makes me sad so very sad that you have grown so very quickly.  When people told me to cherish the infant stuff as it flies by, I didn't believe them but they were right.  It's flown...

On the other side of that, you have survived and thrived in your first year and you are officially a toddler now.  You are walking, talking, and in to EVERYTHING.  I think you might actually think your name is NO now instead of Bryce.  You're exploring EVERYTHING but learning so much at the same time.  It's delightful and so much fun to watch you learn and grow.

Your big boy car seat was turned forward facing this morning and it was amazing watching you smile at me while we drove to daycare.  It was bittersweet to turn it but I'll get over it my sweet son.

I hope one day you will realize how much mommy and daddy both love you and what you mean to us.  I pray that there will be many many more birthdays to come.  That you will turn into a man one day that will make this world proud.

You'll always be mommy's baby no matter how old you are.

I love you sweet boy,

Mommy

IT'S FINALLY OFFICIAL

Adoption decree is in and Bryce's adoption will be finalized on Monday.  The lady who handles/signs the decree is out of town and will not be back until Monday.

But, Monday it's official and our son is finally legally ours.

I got the news this morning and I've been on cloud nine all day long...  Finally it's all finished!