Nomad's Land

Bad bad bad blogger

Bryce turned 18 months two weeks ago.  It simply amazes me everyday seeing how fast and how much he has grown.  Sometimes it saddens me a wee bit but for the most part it's pretty amazing.  Things get easier, harder, and then a new little phase hits and leaves you wondering what's next?  For the most part his tantrums have now died down a little.  He's able to communicate much better now and it's really helped out with the funky temper tantrum phase that we hit head on around 15 months. 

I'm trying to teach him "patience" and well, that seems to be working some what.  Bryce is a little parrot at the moment.  I think sometime last month he started putting two words together and every so often he'll use two words now.  Like for instance, come on, mommy ball, daddy bird(or whatever it is he want us to notice), stop it, Puma kitty(our cat), and so on.  I can't really remember them all right now.  I've not had a lot of sleep the past couple of nights because of our aging dog. She's 13 years old and I don't think she's going to last too much longer.  She's blind and deaf now.  And for the last two nights she just can't seem to get comfortable in the evenings.  She has been pacing from our bedroom to the living room, this goes on for hours until finally I shut her out of our room as I can't handle the noise.  She's a little dog but I hear every tiny sound.  Her nails click on our hard woods and she's wearing me out.  Tonight I'm putting her doggy bed that's beside our bed in our living room and she's just going to have to make do.  I suppose I'll shut our bedroom door, but I'm so scared that Bryce is going to climb out of his crib and come into our room and our door will be shut(even though he can open doors), so as you see, I'm making myself insane.

Okay, enough of the dog rant.  At 18 months like I mentioned earlier Bryce is a parrot.  He doesn't sign as much now that he can basically speak all of his signs.  He will still sign I love you(if I beg enough) which melts my heart.  He has now learned if he says "please" he can basically get anything he wants.  He's obsessed with eating M&M's.  Thank you Easter bunny.  So every morning as soon as he wakes up he normally says M&M's.  Not quite the healthy breakfast there son!  When he follows that with a pleassse, it makes it extremely hard to say no. I don't cave in the morning but in the evenings it's a different story.  Every evening when we get home he goes to the kitchen drawer where the candy stash is and says M&M's, followed by please, please, pleassseee, one million times.  So, I normally cave.  Luckily he's normally satisfied with just one or two so for now it's not so bad.  It's so damn cute it's hard to tell him no.  I've tried to tell them they are all gone but he pulls the drawer open and sticks his little hand in and normally will reach some sort junk.

In the last week or so he has also learned to say no correctly.  Me- Bryce are you ready to go night night.  Him- no.  Bryce it's time to go inside, come on.  Him- no(while he shakes his head).  I love it, I love this age.  I told my husband today this is one of the months/childhood phases that I would love to freeze in time.

I do apologize for the lack of blogging.  I don't know, like I've said previously I'm not sure where I'm at any longer with this blog.  I never imagined that I would be lucky enough to become a mother and I guess I've moved to a mommy blogger now.  Or a half ass blogger that rarely blogs.

Insanity...

The craziest stuff has happened with us over the past couple of days.  I can't hardly believe it.  One, we received a call from our social worker Friday.  Newborn twin girls coming home from the hospital on Monday, clear for adoption! Both weighing over 5 pounds each, both in perfect health and no drug use in the pregnancy. They were born  Friday.  I literally about shit my pants.  It was so very hard to say NO, as y'all know I'm wanting to build my family with another child, via IVF or another adoption.  But, I just feel like I need more time with my son.  More one on one time. I want to spoil him a little longer and enjoy the only child thing.  I feel like he still needs me even though he's getting so independent and turning into such little man now.

You should have seen my husband's eyes when I said twin girls, he looked very very scared.  I think if we did not have Bryce I would have been thrilled and over the moon but I now know how hard ONE newborn is, let alone two.  I know they will find a wonderful home for the little girls but right now it's just still a little too early for us.  I completely have the up most respect for mother of multiples, my son kicked my ass when he was a newborn, I can't imagine two.   My best friend was really trying to talk me into adopting the twins.  She was like, "well, Bryce had reflux, it might not be so hard with the girls, they might sleep all night from the get go, they might not be as sick, etc."  No way dude, can't do it right now.  Just can't do it!  That is unless you are going to run my buisness and become my full time nanny without pay because staying at home is not an option for me and daycare for 3 is craziness.

The next topic that's totally amazing me is that my son is potty training, it's the craziest.  He's not even 16 months old yet.  Let me start off by saying before anyone jumps the gun on this. No, I'm not forcing him to sit on the potty.

Here's how it's all started.

Since he was old enough to run around starting at about a year old we've had the same routine every evening before bedtime.

We take his clothes off, he takes them to his laundry basket.  We take his diaper off.  We let him streak around the house naked for about 15/20 minutes before his bath time.  I noticed about 3 weeks ago that he was pushing as hard as he could to pee pee and when he would pee pee he would look down at it and laugh hysterically.  Well, after 3 weeks of this and me chasing him around the house cleaning pee I decided why not buy a damn potty seat.  I mean obviously he knows what he's doing at this point!  So, last Monday I bought a potty seat.  I basically let him play with it and sit in front of the TV with it with his clothes on.  When it was time for his nightly streak fest, we had previously showed him and explained us pee peeing on our potty.  So, we put him on his potty and well, he did it!  He made a pee.  We made such a big fuss over it he got so excited and clapped with us.  He has did it basically every evening since then.  Saturday I was home with him and I noticed that he would come up to me and pull at his diaper.  I thought, well that's strange.  Maybe he has to pee?  Sure enough he's had to pee every time that he's pulled at his diaper.  He's only had two pee diapers today and this afternoon/evening NONE.  He's went to the potty 6 times...

It's the craziest thing I've ever seen.  He's too smart for his own good.  My mother seems to think he's an old soul as he just acts and  seems nuch older.  My husband seems to think I'm trying to grow him up to quickly.  I like my mother's theory much better. 

I'm sure the excitement of the potty will wear off soon but for now I'm just going to go with it.  If he wants to potty fine, if not fine.  I mean hello, he's only fifteen months so no worries.  He'll be 16 months on the 16th so it's still early.

I'm Still Around

Things have just been a little hectic. 

Just a quick post and I promise a longer more detailed one later.

Bryce is good a little snotty at the moment but besides that very good.  And thankfully his top eye teeth finally cut a week ago so his mood has greatly improved.  We now just have the 2 year molars left and I'm sure as in true fashion he will cut those early like he has with the rest of his teeth.  Teething sucks, but hopefully it will be over soon.  Is possible for the terrible two's to hit at 15 months because the temper tantrums have been a delight lately, ha-ha.

Christmas was excellent.  I'll elaborate more later, but it was ruff as we traveled Christmas day to my mother's house for a long weekend.  I ended up getting sick the Saturday after Christmas, the stomach virus hit me and a cold on the same day, that was fun.  The congestion from the cold is just now leaving me and finally my ears don't feel like I'm in a tunnel.

I started working out again last week.  My ass got kicked last week but I feel so much better. It's such a natural high for me.

Let's see, what else? 

New surround sound system and 42 inch 1080 LCD TV for our upstairs living room for Christmas.  SWEET...  I'm in love.  The TV was a gift from me(am I not the best wife in the world) to my husband for Christmas.  We finally mounted it on our wall yesterday but we are still waiting for the media base to hold our components. We ordered it from Ethan Allen and it should be arriving sometime within the next century.  The surround sound was a gift from gift cards to Best Buy from my parents.  Thank you mom and dad.

Anyway, short blog post tonight.  More to follow soon.

Santa Hell

Good Lord, I don't even want to bore y'all with the details of the trip to see Santa Claus at the mall this past Saturday.  It wasn't good at all people.  I'll make it as brief as possible so you can all have a good laugh at my expense.

• Get the kids(we brought my six year old niece also) ready and leave the house around 2:30.  I think perfect timing.  We get the mall and it's snack time for my son and he took a really good nap.  I grab a cup of coffee and the get the kids one of those yummy chocolate chip cookies from the cookie shop.
• We all eat cookies, life is great.
• The mall is so packed we can hardly move.
• We go to see Santa the line is huge.
• Bryce wants out of the stroller.  We get him out of the stroller, he then decides that he wants to run around like a wild man as he just ate chocolate(huge mistake).  Daddy decides to hold Bryce to stop him from plowing through the people.  Daddy gets smacked in the face about 5 times from Bryce.
• Mommy decides enough of that and puts Bryce back in the stroller.  Bryce melts down.
• We finally get up to see Santa.  The kids get on his lap.  The asshole picture lady doesn't take a picture.  At this point the kids have been on Santa's lap for at least five minutes.
• I ask picture lady if she's  going to take the fucking picture or what?
• Picture lady informs me that the couple that was in front of us need to decide which shot they lwant/like before she can take another picture.
• We get the kids off of Santa's lap and Bryce decides to go into full blown temper tantrum mode, which includes throwing himself on the ground kicking and screaming.  He's pissed as he wants to run and play.
• Picture lady tells us she's ready, the kids get back on Santa's lap and they take two pictures.  You're suppose to get 3 shots but my son was wiggling off Santa's lap.
• I decide which shot we want tell picture lady that it's not good but I'll take it anyway.
• We wait for 5 to 10 minutes for the pictures and no pictures.  The couple behind us are getting their pictures at this point.
• I ask picture lady where are my pictures and she said that she thought I didn't want them so she deleted them, but, if I hold on a couple more minutes she'll get the kids back on Santa's lap for the third time.
• ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  At this point we've spent an hour waiting in line and for our pictures.  I could not do that to the kids again.
• I declined.
• Luckily I snapped one shitty fucking picture with my camera during the chaos.
• Sweet niece comments as we are leaving the mall, "Aunt Kim, Bryce was so bad he ruined my day".  "What's wrong with him, he never acts like that?"
• I have no fucking clue but it was an definitly an experience, lol.

So, that was my short version of Santa hell....

And I now leave you with this.

 

Thinking of cycling again

Well, I've been thinking of actually cycling again.  I never thought I would say that again, type that, or even blog those words ever again.

But, I have...  Those feeling are returning and lately some days are turning quite dreadful with lots of old feeling returning.

It really started hitting hard last month as we hit another fabulous month with Bryce. The kind of month that makes you want to have about 20 children.  The kind of month when I look at my son that is so incredibly cute but think "where the fuck is my little baby" and "how the hell did you turn into a toddler so quickly".  Is there a pause button some where close because this is going by entirely too fucking quickly!

Then we hit a speed bump this week, all good runs must come to an end I suppose.  Bryce has had a terrible cough that has progressively got worse over the last 2 weeks.  His right ear started draining goop out on Saturday and whinny whinny son made his return visit.  Whinny whinny son has been missing since tubes were inserted.  So Monday afternoon we were at the doctor's office.   Which in turn equaled the Z-Pack for little man.  The ear tubes are doing their job. His doctor said that if it wasn't for the tubes, sure enough, we would have another ear infection on our hands.  But luckily no ear infection thank you sweet Cheesus.  Swollen lymph nodes though and after 3 days of antibiotics the cough has miraculously disappeared almost completely.  The congestion is gone and the horrid stinky breath in the morning is gone.   Just for record we do brush his teeth also, hell he brushes them after I finish brushing them.

 Of course, I feel like the worst mother in the world as the child should been at the doctors, oh let's see, like two fucking weeks ago!  But he has not ran a fever at all.  I kept saying to everyone that commented on the horrid cough that he's not running a fever, he's fine. Now I know that he seriously wasn't that fine.  I think this was a sinus infection.  I've heard children with tubes get really bad sinus infections instead of ear infections.  The stinky breath disappearing has really made me think that it was truly a sinus infection.  Anyway, all the symptoms are easing up but now we have a rip roaring diaper rash from the antibiotics.  Poor poor little man.  This has to be the worse rash that he's ever had.

He spent about 2.5 seconds in the bath tub tonight and as soon as I went to gently wash his groin area and butt it all over with.  He cried for an hour straight after that, and the "momma ma", "mooommmmaaa" whining started, which totally breaks my heart. I couldn't fix it!

I called the on-call doctor to see if they could call him in something but bastard doctor said I would have to bring him in tomorrow.  I will call his regular doctor in the morning and I'm sure she'll call us in something.  For fuck's sake, we were just in 3 days ago.  After that I think I shall beat the hell out of his daycare teacher because the kid seriously had to go a while without a diaper change for this to happen.

I LOVE his daycare, don't get me wrong.  But, I specifically told them this morning that he's on an antibiotic and he has had 3 stinky diapers already this morning(for the record his butt was not red at all this moring either).  I asked her to really keep an eye out on him as Bryce can not sit in poop for long or instantly he rashes.  In all honestly, there are a lot of times that I can't smell his poop and just for the record I call smell a nat's about fart 500 miles away(seriously)!  I have a really good sense of smell(yes, I'm basically saying my child's shit doesn't stink, ha-ha). So, I'm obsessively checking his diaper about 500 times a day.  I normally can predict when he's going to poop now.  Lately, he's even been running and hiding when he poops also.  So it's a given.  But, when he's on an antibiotic it's diarrhea city. So, you have to really be on top of things as far as getting him out of the dirty diaper ASAP... 

Anyway, sorry to ramble about shit(literally).  My heart was just breaking for my little fellow tonight.  HE was crying and I was crying.  He couldn't even sit down on his butt.  He was walking all bow legged.  I actually let him run around the house without a diaper on for an hour this evening and he pissed on the hard woods and hit his daddy's shoes.  But, I didn't care as I knew his butt was so rashed that it felt good for him to let it air out.  I have a video of him dancing butt naked to the little antimated snowmen that play music that you get at the Hallmark store.  It's too precious for words and I'm sure he's really going to appreciate that video when he brings his first girlfriend home. I wish I could upload it here but too many sickos out in cyber space.  Plus, don't want people to think this is a kiddie porn site.

So back to the cycling.  In a perfect world IVF would work for us.  I'm not sure it's worth spending the thousands of dollars again for another failed cycle.  Better yet, another m/c.  In all honesty, I already have the grand prize if you know what I mean.  But, I also want to be pregnant and experience child birth.  I never expected these feelings to return so strongly and so damn fucking soon.  If the cycle failed, I know I would kick myself in the ass for doing it.  I would think that could be a year of college that we could have used towards Bryce'es education instead of basically pissing it away.  I don't know...

But, I do know this for sure.  All those old feelings of longing for a baby are starting to return and it sucks!  Hell, if you would have asked me if I wanted another last year at this time I would have said not NO, but HELL NO.  I was just so damn tired.  But now, I do want another.  The sleep deprivation is such a short period of time, now looking back. It's so totally worth it.

We put our Christmas Tree up last Thursday and when I got to Baby's First Christmas ornament it about brought me to tears.  Here was this tiny tiny little baby(Bryce) in the slide in photo slot.  Wow, I can't believe he was that small.  Where did the time go?  As I'm hanging the ornament I thougth what the hell?  How has a year past so damn quickly.  It's almost not fair.

It may or may not happen, another cycle, who knows?  I stumbled across an IF blog this evening and it brought back a lot of old memories for me.  I forgot about the bitterness, the hurt, anger, and whole emotional roller coaster ride.  I mean I haven't really forgotten but since Bryce came into our lives, in all honesty, things just don't hurt as much any longer.  Hell, sometimes I forget I didn't give birth to our son.  I still pinch myself at times and find it hard to believe that I am a mommy.  I guess one day it will set in but as you guys know, I had given completely up.

Okay, I'm sure you'll here a lot more about this(like anyone cares, I have what a whole two or three readers left now).  But, I just need to get it out there as it makes me feel better...